I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
