Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
