So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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