Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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