im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
