I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
