I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
