New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
