your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
