Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
