pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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