is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
