I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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