You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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