Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
