Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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