Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
