Your face is a jimmy john
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
