What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
