sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
