Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
