My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
