Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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