I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
