if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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