Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
