Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
