Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
