During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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