I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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