I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
