I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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