i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
