Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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