I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
