Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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