I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
