sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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