I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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