Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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