my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
