My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
