So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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