I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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