My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
try to milk me bitch
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