people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
