my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Farmville is her only friend.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
