The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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