So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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