I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
honey bunches of taint.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There r osticjed everywhere
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
