why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
love makes seman taste better
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
