my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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