Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
