garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
