there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
