can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
