at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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