I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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