my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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