I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize