Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
