Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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